What Does TikTok’s “Demure” Trend Say About the State of Femininity?

If your social media feed is suddenly flooded by videos about being “demure” and “cutesy” (including one from this very site), you have Jools Lebron to thank. The trans woman and beauty influencer is TikTok’s latest overnight success, who just a few days ago was working a cashier job. Now, after going viral on the internet, she’s traveling the country, collaborating with big name brands, and making public appearances, while her words have sparked thousands of videos and ushered in a new cultural movement.

It all started on August 2, when Lebron made a video talking about being “demure” and “mindful” at work. “You see how I come to work? Very demure, I do my makeup, I lay my wig, I do a little braid, I flat iron my hair, I do chi chi’s out, I do viral vanilla, very demure, very mindful. Let’s not forget to be demure, divas.” Following the initial video, which now has over 4 million views, Lebron has gone on to spread more of her “demure” and “mindful” gospel for her now 1.4 million followers. Quickly, this has sparked a slew of TikTok videos where other users, mostly women, are sharing their own experiences being “demure” and “mindful” in different public spaces, poking fun at the unrealistic expectations placed on women.

According to trans advocate and beauty influencer Madison Werner, to be “demure” in 2024 is to be quietly elegant, as if to glamorously move in silence. “It’s a comedic commentary on how, according to longstanding patriarchal beliefs, femininity is only found attractive if it’s agreeable and easy to look at,” she says. “Women are often told to be a man’s vapid accessory rather than his smart, vocal peer.” 

According to trend forecaster Emily Carmeli, the very quick onset of “demure” has to be assessed within the context of “Brat summer” because the “transition” happened so quickly and yet they are seemingly polar opposite vibes.

The “demure” trend seems to be a quiet response to the “Brat summer” trend, which took the internet by storm just a few weeks ago. “A ‘brat’ demeanor encapsulates a fun, loud, messy girl who’s the life of the party. But some girls, including me, find confidence in a more gentle performance of femininity,” says Werner, who was the first transgender face of a Covergirl beauty campaign. According to her, the “demure” response is proving that all types of femininity are equally powerful.

At the same time, as the trend cycle seems to accelerate more and more with each passing day, the “demure” trend seems to be highlighting the voice of someone—a trans woman—who historically doesn’t fit the beauty standards required to participate in mainstream culture. For example, Werner says that the “clean girl” aesthetic, which often leans toward girls who are cisgender, skinny, have perfect skin and full lips has served to make those who don’t fit those standards feel less beautiful.

In this way, the “demure” aesthetic is a playful reclamation of oppressive patriarchal standards. “We’re self-aware of it now, so the harmful standard can’t be used against us anymore,” explains Werner. “Now it’s just fun!” At the same time, the “brat” and “demure” aesthetics can exist within one person at the same time—they’re not mutually exclusive. Lebron even shared a video of her doing Charli XCX’s “Apple” dance in a “demure way”, which the singer reposted.

Lately, the trend cycle only seems to be rapidly accelerating and everyday there’s a new viral internet trend taking culture by storm. Though some claim micro trends are dead—think anything with a “core” at the end—macro trends are moving in and out of culture faster than the speed of light. 

From “beauty blindness” to the “morning shed,” much of these aesthetics have to do with how we understand and express femininity amidst the backdrop of capitalism. With aesthetics shifting at a warp speed, the acceleration of trends show how we’re constantly wrestling with freedom and restraint amidst the patriarchy. Will we ever be enough?

The “demure” trend is the latest and ultimate contestment with the male gaze. On one hand, Carmeli says, this aesthetic plays into the male gaze with the facade of ingenuity and innocence; however, it has a very strong undercurrent of cosplay—ie. women are playing the part and they know it. “It’s sort of similar to the ‘trad wife’ trend that’s taken over,” she tells Byrdie. While content creators like Ballerina Farm’s Hannah Neeleman may seem like the typical traditional wife, she knows exactly what she’s doing in the role she’s playing and choosing. 

The “demure” trend specifically shows how trans women’s experience with femininity is nuanced and multi-layered. “We realize our gender expression without anyone telling us to do it, so we dive-in headfirst into what femininity even means in the first place,” says Werner, who feels elated that a trans woman’s take on gender expression is being loved so warmly.